LOVE AND MONEY
Give me that Dollar! 3 Ways to Say “NO” to family and friends who constantly want to borrow money
09
Feb
Feb
My grandmother loved to tell stories about her family and one of her favorites was “Give me that Dollar!” The story is about me at 2 or 3 years old and someone had given me a dollar. I was a toddler walking around with a tightly held dollar wadded up in my little fist.
Well, my older cousin Chris saw that I had a dollar and decided to tease me and pretend to try to take the dollar. He said, “Tasha, give me that dollar!” “Give me that dollar!” After a few minutes of his ribbing, I spoke up in my toddler voice and said, “Chris! If you put your hands on this DAMN dollar!” Chris and my grandmother were speechless and shocked.
I think I created the reputation of being tight with money and a good saver from that day forward (I prefer the term “fiscally responsible”). But I tell that story to start the conversation on money and family. How do you deal with family and friends who want to borrow money from you? I can suggest 3 strategies:
1. Politely say that you can’t afford to let them borrow money. Repeat the sentence for as many times as necessary because the borrower will try to persuade you to change your mind. I don’t know you but my guess is you probably don’t have a ton of money in bank earmarked as extra money or gifts. If you do have a money map or budget, emergency savings, and a retirement or investment plan, and extra fun money, skip this post all together. If not, you have to comfortably deal with confrontation and saying no in order to have your money create the life you desire.
2. Politely remind them of the money that they previously borrowed. 9 times out of ten, the folks who borrow money do not ask one or two times. They ask to borrow money because they do not know how to manage their funds, earn extra funds, or simply would rather you pay for their expenses. So remind them that you still need the previous loan back. If you can afford it, put $100 – $200 in a fund that you can allow the person to borrow and pay back repeatedly. If you let two people borrow money in the past, tell the second borrower to borrow your money from the first borrower. This is temporary strategy until you are comfortable with strategy number 1.
3. Say “No” and then prepare to feel uncomfortable, uneasy, and nervous. Prepare to be insulted and called selfish, heartless, and uppity. Then get off the phone or close the door. Look at yourself in the mirror and shake it off. I bet it feels good to still have your money in your pocket and not feel taken advantaged of. You can always change your mind later if you want to honor the request for the loan.
Those are my strategies. How do you deal with family and friends who need to borrow money from you?
